Manjitsingh

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh. I have been practising/interested in Sikhi for about 3 years. I first fell in love with Sikhi when I had discovered bhai jagraj singh back in 2021. And then eventually I found out about all the political side of Sikhi (I.e Khalistan etc… ) However, with maharaj di kirpa de naal, about a year and few months I had this REALLY strong desire to get blessed with Amrit. And with guru jis kirpa I did !! However , before getting blessed with Amrit I had never practised being an Amritdhari, I had never woken up at Amrit vela and done Simran or my full Nitnem in one day (however i had done a sehaj path BEFORE being an amritdhari but it probably wasn’t even shudh ). I never had practised wearing a kacherra while showering. But the day after my Amrit Sanchar I woke up at 3am and did my Nitnem. But overtime (about a couple of months after my Amrit Sanchar) I started to make mistakes. My kanga had fallen off multiple times, I had accidentally removed my kacherra while taking a shower, I started removing my Kara, kirpan and kanga for my martial arts. But worst of all I had started to watch po** and started to ma***bate again. I’ve always had a lust problem for 2 years before my Amrit sanchaar. And the DEEP DESIRE TO MEET VAHEGURU AND GURU JI was GONE. Since then (this is now 1 year and couples of months after my Amrit sacnhaar), I have been regularly missing my Nitnem and amritvela. What I need help on is how do I get back on my sikhi journey?? How do I have the desire to meet guru ji and actually meet vaheguru ji this time?? How do I love guru ji ?? please someone from the sangat help me out.